Max overhearing me ordering dinner

Max: "Daddy, why did you just tell that person on the phone you wanted a 'crazy salad'?"
Me: "I didn't.  That was a 'caprese salad'".

Max to one of his friends, a child of divorce with a new stepmom, regarding the new stepmom

"Why did you rotate to somebody new?"

Max & Jenn Looking at a Picture of our Last (Child-Free) Vacation

Jenn: (sighing)
Max: Mommy, why did you make that noise?
Jenn: Because that was just a little slice of heaven.
Max: Mommy, what's heaven?
Me: Jenn, you can feel free to field this question.

Yikes, we're doomed

Max: "Spongebob inspires me!"

Max looking at some framed pix on the window sill

Max looking at a photo booth pic of Jenn and I from c. 1998: "daddy, you look wierd in this picture."
Me: "what do you mean 'wierd'?"
Max: "I don't know, you look like a kid"

Max & me

Max: Do you have to go to school to be an astronaut?
Me: Yes. You need to know lots of math and physics.
Max: What's physics?
Me (scratching my head, trying to figure out how i am going to explain everything that physics encompasses.  i take the easy route): Oh, things like gravity, how things move, that kinds of stuff.
Max: Well, Daddy, I'm a little bit ready to be an astronaut.
Me: Really.  How so?
Max: Well, I know math - i can count really well.  And I know ALL about gravity.

Max & Jenn Over Breakfast

So Charlie has just moved out of his high-chair...or, more precisely, is still IN his high-chair, but uses it at our kitchen counter.
Jenn: "This is so exciting.  The Goldstone boys eating breakfast at the breakfast bar."
Max: "This is a bar?  This doesn't look like a bar.  Where's the wine?"

Charlie

For the first time tonight it was "Daddy" (or something approximating it) and "Mommy" (or something approximating it) instead of "Dada" and "Mama".
I guess my baby is growing up.

Max on the Flintstones

Max's spontaneous description of the Flintstones: 

"The big guy Fred always goes with the little guy...and they always run away from the wifes [sic]."

I believe he's only seen 2 episodes but he's pretty much got it.

Max to me

It's the busiest week of the year for me and I was explaining to Max that while I wasn't traveling, he probably wouldn't see me for a few days.

Max (throwing hands up in some semblance of exasperation): But, Daddy, why doesn't your boss understand you want to see your CHILDREN?

Max to Me

Mommy doesn't know everything. She's not Mr. Google.

Max and Jenn

Jenn: we are the grown-ups, so you have to listen to us.
Max: but when I'm 15 I'll be a grown-up.
Jenn: we'll always be the grown-ups.
Max: but you'll be shrunken.
Jenn: what?
Max: when you get old, you'll be shrunken.

Max and me

In a long conversation about being a "daddy" and how great it is.

Me: Max, do you think you ever want to be a daddy?
Max: Yes
Me: How old do you think you'll be when you become a daddy?
Max (exuberantly): SIXTEEN!
Me: Well, ah, that might be a little too young.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, ah...[AND I SWIFTLY CHANGE THE SUBJECT]

Max to me

When I'm a grown-up I won't get tickled, right?

Max to Charlie

You don't even KNOW how much I love you.

Max to me

We're going to party until dawn.